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history
Fecal References
a History
of the Gentle Art
of the Cow Chip Throw
The story of the Cow Chip Throw is the story of our Western Civilization.
The Cow Chip Throw has been a staple of rural fairs and festivals for hundreds of years. Today people of all walks of life in big cities, small hamlets, suburban bedroom communities with really expensive subdivisions, and even trailer parks enjoy the spectacle that is the Cow Chip Throw.
Early Man and The Cow Chip
Some anthropologists might believe that 100,000 years ago early man used cow chips to bring down small game on the plains of Africa.Warthogs, aardvarks, voles, and rats could all be killed with a well thrown chip. Such game was probably consumed raw at the site of the kill. At night these hardy hunters may have slept under the stars with their cache of chips ever at the ready to fend off predators.
Kronos of Chatham a modern day champion
Did You Know?
It's been speculated that cattle were first domesticated by early man in order to insure a ready supply of cow chips.
Many modern Cow Chip Throw participants still practice the dietary and personal hygene habits of these prehistoric athletes.
Cow Chip Throwing in the Ancient World
The ancient Greek historian and sports columnist Colonus of Duodenum wrote of the early Olympic games. He noted that the Cow Chip Throw was one of the original contests . In the event participants competed in the nude and threw chips across the Parthenon.  Colonus also documented that the Cow Chip Throw was the first event ever eliminated from the games (468 B.C.)
Did You Know?
Scatos of Athens was the first Grand Champion of the Olympic Cow Chip Throw? He won the event in 472 B.C. with a throw of  109 cubits.  
Ancient Greece. Best known for the development of the naked Cow Chip throw.
Roman Persecution
Before the Greeks abandoned the sport it had spread to Rome. By the time of Emperor Nero, Cow Chip Throws were a regularly scheduled event in the Coliseum. Apparently winners were held aloft on the shoulders of gladiators and paraded through the streets of Rome, afterwhich they were thrown in a pit of lions. The Roman Senate would declare a holiday and the winner's family would enjoy a lavish funeral celebration before being burned alive. Today most events just give the winners an inexpensive  trophy.
Did You Know?
Emperor Nero might have banned the Cow Chip Throw after an errant chip sailed into his private bath? The Cow Chip throw was nearly lost forever. Rome's most prominent second place finishers were forced to flee for their lives.
Lions eliminated the need to refer to any Roman Cow Chip thrower as a "defending champion".
Barbarians at the gate!
As barbarian hordes swept down on the Roman Empire in the 4th & 5th centuries they encountered secret Roman sects still practicing the Cow Chip Throw. These rugged warriors were naturally drawn to this event for it's grace, power, and aromatic qualities. After a full day of rape, pillage, impaling one's enemies and consuming large quantities of fermented mare's milk, Goth's and Vandals loved nothing more than a rousing Cow Chip Throw to end the day.
Did You Know?
Attila the Hun may have once thrown a cow chip across the Danube River in a fit of rage?
Men who wear hats with horns are twice as likely to throw Cow Chips as men who don't wear hats at all.
Did you know?
Haggis is a sheep's stomach filled with chopped lamb lungs, brains, beef suet, kidneys, liver,onion, and special seasonings. It's then boiled and served steaming hot. Haggis is NOT served at the Chatham Jaycees Sweet Corn Festival.
The Middle Ages
The Cow Chip Throw spread rapidly in Europe during the Middle Ages. By 1600 there were organized throws in Scotland, France, Austria, and the Netherlands. In Scotland the event was known as the Celtic Dung Hurl and was heralded by the playing of many bagpipes. Winners were awarded with a steaming plate of Haggis. Non-winners were forced to eat as many as three plates of Haggis. This incentive made the Highland clans the most dominant throwers of the era.
Bagpipes Rule!
Nostradamus and the Cow Chip Throw
Some scholars who interperet the writings of Nostradamus seem to believe that he was obsessed with the Sport of Cow Chip Throwing. Of greatest interest the famous 9th Century 137th Quatrain:
Merde farouches de faim fleuues tranner;
  part du champ encontre Bovine sera,
En cage de fer le grand fera treisner poop,
Quand rien enfant de Chatham obseruera.
Which some people accept as a prediction that the Cow Chip throw will some day become more popular than the WNBA and chia pets.
Did you know?
Born on December 14, 1503 in St. Remi, France. Nostradamus may have become France's greatest Cow Chip thrower. He however chose to study medicine instead.
Visonary lunatic or Lunatic visionary? You decide.

 

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